( the world will eat you up. )
you just have to bite back.
+
ARCHIVED.
( INACTIVE )
When Jonathan was laid up beside her, arms wrapped round her waist, her body pressed against his in the most comforting of ways, he had expected to sleep through the night. It was a rarity, but Jonathan couldn’t manage to think of a time he’d been relaxed in years. Even with the prospect of going home in the morning and facing his grandmother, he couldn’t think of anything but how absolutely wonderful it was to feel loved. Or at least cared for. And god, had he felt cared for. Between the touches of her (albeit embarrassingly more experienced) fingers, the little marks left in his skin from her nails—the ones he’d never expected to actually feel good—up to the slow, relaxed breaths he felt against his own skin, he felt cared for.
So you could imagine what a surprise it was for him to wake up covered in the most uncomfortable of cold sweats, shaking and hardly able to speak. It wasn’t as if nightmares were unusual for him, but he’d just been so full of hope that maybe for once he would have been rid of them. Evidently, God wasn’t so kind.
Jonathan was careful to shift away from Selina, as not to wake the poor girl up. She didn’t need to be dealing with the panic attack he was fighting off. When he’d set himself at the edge of the bed, he immediately went through the check list. Safe. Was he safe? The only danger around was himself, so yes he could consider that checked off of the list. Calm. Calm, not so much. He counted with each breath in hopes of that forcing them to even out. A hand, the one that wasn’t already covering just where he could feel his racing heartbeat, went up to smooth his hair back out of his eyes.
He just
needed to
ｂｒｅａｔｈｅ
Selina had never been a light sleeper, and she never would be. Living in a state of perpetual caution and abuse really put a girl on edge. Even now, some part of her mind was frantically working to relax her muscles and calm her body from thinking she was in danger. This was Jonathan –– the dorky boy who’d just lost his virginity to her. The boy who’d just lost his virginity to a common gutter whore. He wouldn’t hurt her. He couldn’t hurt her. Living on the streets had its benefits toward the arts of defending oneself. Sometimes she found it sad that these days, she only thought in terms of whether someone would be an ally or an enemy. For Selina, who had never known love –– anything in between got harder and harder to fathom as the years ticked by. It was a bitter truth.
Her back was snug against the curve of Jonathan’s chest as they lay in the solemn quiet of the night, blankets tossed loosely over their legs and waists. This was nice. She inhaled the subtle scent that was Jonathan’s mixed with the heavier, muskier scent of sex on their skin. It was both familiar and strange, all at the same time. She’d grown used to Jonathan in the days they’d spent together, but associating two very different smells that had always been kept on separate sides of her life together was… interesting, in the least. She took another breath, careful to keep it even and deep enough that it would seem as if she was asleep. Her body was still too wary for her to drift off just yet, but sleep loomed ever closer as she focused on the rhythm of Jonathan’s breaths behind her that mingled with her own. After a couple more minutes, Selina found herself wound down enough that sleep seemed finally possible. Even if sleep just meant nightmares. If she didn’t wake Jon with her flailing and ragged yelps in a couple hours, she’d be very impressed. She curled a bit closer to Jonathan, finally relaxing. To say the least, it was a bit of a shock as she heard the sharp intake of breaths and the shaking intermingled with the sudden clammy feel of Jonathan’s skin against her own.
Her eyes cracked open as she felt his body leave hers, and she lay there for a moment, just gauging what her next actions would be as the mattress dipped with movement. Slowly, almost warily, she rolled over to see Jon still shaking slightly with his back to her. She reached over to where her bra had been flung on the floor and slipped it back on before sitting up, eyes wide as she cautiously crawled over beside Jon and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, a light enough touch that she could quickly retract if that had been the wrong move to make. “Hey,” she murmured softly, settling with her legs curled beneath her.
societydxrling-archive-blog reblogged this from martyrtosolitarycause-blog and added: She restrained the urge to snatch her hand back as if she’d been burned by the mere touch of her fingers against his...
martyrtosolitarycause-blog reblogged this from societydxrling-archive-blog and added: When he felt her move there was no relief in his chest. In fact, there was only guilt. She shouldn’t have had to deal...