“What do you want me to say?” [there was a pause just after the snap. it wasn’t often he snapped at people, certainly not those he actaully enjoyed the company of… ] “Do you want me to just let go of everything and tell you that my 妹妹,” [ another unusual thing. normally, if he even referred to his family at all, it was on the strictest of terms. ‘my sister’, ‘my mother’, ‘my father’. Certainly no pet names. ] “—Is being hurt every single day and I can’t do anything about it? Do you want me to tell you how powerless I feel, knowing that I’m absolutely 没用的 and that I likely could have stopped any of this from happening if I wasn’t such a 浑蛋 of a brother?” ”I’m supposed to be a 他妈的天才 and I couldn’t see how suspicious it was. That’s pathetic.” [ his jaw clenched, his lungs sucking in a sharp breath. he shouldn’t have even been talking, but now that it was all out he almost felt better. for the moment, at least. once it was all over he’d likely be back to walking around with that guilt in the pit of his stomach weighing him down. ]
his words are like a harsh kick to her stomach. her brow furrows for a fraction of a moment & she looks away. maggie. all she can think about is how she felt like this when she left her sister.
“…”
what can she say? bile burns in the back of throat as her fingers clench, white knuckled on simon’s desk. she can’t say anything at all.
so instead she raises her gaze and catches his, solemn and devoid of the irascible nature they’d had just seconds before. she understands. and she suffers under the burden of being a fucking useless older sibling just as much as he does.
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